


Hold On To Me

by Hopes_World



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, F/F, Songfic, Swearing, Yeah this is kinda cheesy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7920220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopes_World/pseuds/Hopes_World
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily is adjusting to Paris, and missing JJ. Problems ensue, and show the couple how strong they truly are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Hold On To Me by Mayday Parade

_**I know I've got my problems and it starts with me  
She saw something inside that I can't see  
And late at night, yeah she'll comfort me  
Hold onto me, hold onto me. ** _

Emily knew that going to Paris was going to hurt. It was going to hurt a whole lot. But what could she do? She loved the team, but she couldn’t keep risking her life like this. She had to be safe. Sure, she was going to miss the team, especially JJ, but what other option did she have? Hotch and JJ had already decided it, and the plans were set. All she had to do was stay dead, and get on the plane. She sighed, and remembered her blonde haired lover.

Emily’s relationship with JJ had started a few weeks before the incident with Ian. After a couple years of crushing on each other, the day came where Emily accidently spilled coffee all over JJ’s shirt in the break room, and asked Hotch if she could drive her home to change. JJ had recently left Will, and Henry was left alone with the babysitter while JJ worked. Walking in the door, Henry jumped into his mother’s coffee drenched shirt, and squealed with delight. Emily smiled, and tilted her head as Henry let go of his mother and said hello. Holding her arms out, Emily asked Henry for a hug, and when he ran into her arms, she picked him up, laughing and making airplanes noises as she spun around. It was then that JJ realized she was in love with Emily.

The two woman would call each other at ungodly hours of the morning, when one of them was having a bad night and couldn’t sleep. They would talk to each other in soothing voices, and always ended their conversations with, “It’ll be okay, I love you, always remember that”.

_**I got a nervous habit and I drink too much  
She said she hates her life and wants to change her ways  
She wakes in the night and whispers  
Oh so quiet. ** _

It had been weeks since Emily got to Paris. Long enough to become settled in, and to start feeling the ache in her chest. She missed her friends, her family, and her girlfriend. Tonight was specifically hard, and she couldn’t decide what to do. JJ was sick, and so was Henry, so calling was not an option. Not knowing what to do, Emily started biting her fingernails again, staring at the wall beside her bed. The room was dimly lit, and the lights from the city outside twinkled bright through her windows. When she remembered the bottles of scotch she recently bought, biting her fingernails didn’t seem to help as much. Walking to the kitchen, and grabbing a coffee mug, she filled it, and chugged the lukewarm liquid, grimacing at the sour aftertaste and the burn in her throat.

A bottle or two of scotch later, and Emily was sitting on the couch, watching some late night talk show and falling asleep. Her throat stung from the scotch, and her coffee mug was half full. Closing her eyes slowly, she smiled and remembered one of the nights that JJ had called her, crying and sniffling, trying to be a quiet as possible as not to wake Henry. Emily had been sleeping, and she woke to the sound of JJ’s ringtone. Looking at the time, it was 3am and she knew it wasn’t going to be good. Answering with a raspy voice, Emily managed to sound concerned, “Babe? What’s going on? It’s 3 am! Wait. Are you crying?? Babe?”. All she managed to hear was mumbles and more sniffling. As it turned out, JJ had been crying for hours, and was stressed to her breaking point. She didn’t know what to do, and she wanted to alter life desperately. Will had just called her, obviously drunk, and asked if she wanted to fuck him and leave him like she did before. She fought over the phone with him, and then hung up as tears started to fall. She had paperwork and reporters up her ass all week, and she was tired. Emily had tried her best to soothe her, and to comfort her. Giving her promises of lunch dates, and kisses. As JJ’s sniffles subsided, she whispered “I love you JJ. Always, always remember that.”

_**Hold onto me, hold onto me  
Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave  
I know I've got my problems and it's probably me  
So hold onto me, hold onto me. ** _

Waking up at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, with a pounding headache and 6 missed calls from JJ, Emily knew something must be up. Picking up her phone, and dialed JJ’s number. It wasn’t even one ring before JJ picked up, sounding alarmed and scared as hell.

“Emily?! Are you okay? Why weren’t you answering my calls?”

“JJ, I’m okay. Just a hard night, I’m sorry. I just woke up a minute or so ago, I wasn’t ignoring you.”

“Emily, you had me worried sick.. Why are you waking up so late..?” Her voice trailed off, and the amount of concern in her voice was dripping.

“Oh, no reason.” She hiccuped. “I’m okay, I promise.”

JJ sighed. “Emily. Were you drinking again? Are you serious?” Emily could hear the anger in her voice now. “Emily, I thought we talked about this. I thought you were done with that?” Emily breathed, dreading the next question. “How much this time, and what was it?” 

“I don’t know. A bottle and a half? Two? It was scotch.. I think.” She looked down at the bottle next to her. “Yeah, it was scotch.. I guess that’s why my throat hurts so much.. Gee.”

“Are you kidding me. Are you fucking kidding me Emily?! Why didn’t you call me? Goddammit! You could have killed yourself.” She sighed, her anger was like venom seeping into Emily’s heart.

“JJ, babe, I’m sorry. It’s just.. You and Henry are sick, I figured you needed your sleep. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” She got up from the couch, grabbing the bottles of alcohol from her floor and from her pantry. “Listen, I’m throwing away all the bottles. It won’t happen again.” She held the phone out so that JJ could hear the bottles clinking in the bin.

“I don’t care Emily.”

Emily’s eyes widened and her eyes felt hot with the tears she was trying to hold back. “JJ..?”

“Look, Emily, I can’t talk right now. I have to go in, Hotch needs the team right now. Bye.” 

“JJ… I love you.” 

Emily sighed. “Yeah.” She hung up without another word. 

_**Stayed up too late and it hurts to breathe  
Said it's 4 A.M., girl go back to sleep  
Sometimes at night I can hear her dreams.** _

_**Come rescue me, Come rescue me  
Don't you ever leave, Don't you ever leave  
I know we got our problems and it's probably me  
So hold onto me, hold onto me. ** _

That night, Emily couldn’t sleep again. She fucked up and she broke JJ’s trust. After two years of sobriety, and she ruins it in the snap of a finger. Fuck.

Glancing at her phone, and sighing, Emily pondered texting her girlfriend. 

“JJ? Are you up? I’m sorry… I really am. I didn’t mean to break your trust like that. I love you. I’m so sorry.” she sent the text without thinking, and instantly regretted her decision. When her phone dinged, she jumped and practically dropped it.

“Emily, I know. I’m sorry too. Today was really hard and I guess I took it out on you. I’ve been second guessing a lot of shit lately.”

Knitting her eyebrows, and wondering what that meant, Emily typed as fast as she could. “What are you saying? Do you need to tell me something?”

“Yeah. I’ve been really stressed with this whole thing. This long distance relationship shit. I love you, but it’s hard. I keep having these dreams where we fight and we fight and we just can’t make up. In those dreams, you always leave me, and I always end up heartbroken, running back to Will, getting heartbroken again... And then Henry becomes motherless because I can't stand the pain... “

Tears stinging her eyes, Emily frowned. “JJ.. I don’t know what to say. I love you with all my heart, I don’t want to leave you, and I won’t. Please, babe, don’t..”

After several painful minutes, JJ responded. “Emily I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t take the chances of getting hurt. I’m sorry. But this is goodbye.”

This is when Emily panicked. She read the message over and over again. She couldn’t text anymore. She dialed JJ’s number and waited for her pick up. 

“What, Emily?” The shaking in JJ’s voice were so very audible and it hurt so much. Emily’s breath hitched in her throat, and she had to stop for a second before answering. Her voice was a little higher pitched than it should have been, but who the fuck cared at this point? This was the love of her life.

“JJ. Please do not leave me. Please don’t do this. I couldn’t stand texting you because I need you to hear me. Please please JJ don’t do this to me.” She was breaking down, and she knew JJ could hear it over the phone, but there was nothing she could do about it now. 

“Emily I’m sorry, I just..” Her voice cracked. “I-I can’t. Henry is sick, I’m stressed, and I can’t handle this right now. Goodbye Emily.” The phone clicked and Emily was left a sobbing mess. Throwing the phone across the room, she pushed herself off the couch and huddled on the floor. She hugged her knees, and screamed until her lungs hurt. When screaming wasn't an option, she began to whimper. Everything was falling apart and she couldn’t fix it. That night, Emily fell asleep crying, and she dreamed of nothing but wilting flowers, and JJ’s beautiful and glowing face turning dark and cold. That night was the worse Hell she had ever felt in her life.

_**I'm a drifter's body in an open sea  
And I've seen my reflection staring right back at me  
With no place to go and you're left all alone  
There's no place like home. ** _

Emily woke, and did nothing. She just lied on the ground, remembering the previous events; the crying, the screaming, the breaking up. God, it still hurt. Using all her strength, she went into into her bathroom to at least wash her face and comb out her hair. The water was cold, and the towel she used to dry her face hurt like a thousand needles piercing her skull. She looked at her red face in the mirror and scoffed in disgust before smashing her fist into the glass and screaming.

After cleaning up the glass and the blood from the mirror, Emily retreated to her room and just laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. It felt like she was just floating in darkness. She was alone and no one was there for her. She had no one to call and no one to hold her. She felt empty. 

After several hours of wallowing in her self pity, Emily’s back started hurting and her eyes were straining. She got up, and brewed a pot of coffee. She found her phone somewhere in the kitchen, and picked it up. There were no calls or texts waiting for her, and she scolded herself for thinking there would be. She hated Paris. So much for the city of “love”. More like the city of “get your heart smashed to pieces with a fucking nine iron”. Paris sucked and she missed Quantico. She really, really missed Quantico. A lot. Like a whole lot. And JJ was in Quantico. Maybe she had a second chance. 

_**Hold onto me, hold onto me  
Just stay with me, Just stay with me  
I know we got our problems and you'll probably leave  
So hold onto me, hold onto me. ** _

Dialing Hotch’s number, Emily couldn’t help but smile. The phone rang and he picked up.

“Emily? Are you okay? What’s going on? Why are you calling?” He sounded worried. 

“I’m alright Aaron. Is there a chance I could come back home?” She trailed off at the end of her sentence and braced herself for a no.

“Yes. We could use you back anyway. The team is having a rough time, and you might be the reason behind it.”

“Yeah, I figured as much…”

“I’ll let the team know what happened, and that you’ll be back soon. I’ll send the jet to pick you up and bring you back.”

“Oh thank you Aaron. I’m staying home permanently this time.” She sighed. This was going to be hard. 

“Good. it’s nice to have an old friend back.” 

“I’ll see you later, Aaron. Thank you.”

“No problem. Bye.” And with that, they hung up. 

Several hours later, and multiple bags on her back, Emily was at the airport and loading onto the team’s jet. It felt nice to be back on something so familiar. She was missing the team though.. 

_**I could never leave, I will never leave  
So hold onto me, hold on to me. ** _

After several hours of flying, Emily was back. She was not only back in Quantico, but back at the FBI headquarters. It felt nice.

Walking into the office, everyone stared at her. Reid looked like a fish out of water, and Morgan just looked like Morgan, but with a bit of pain in his eyes. Hotch was smiling, and Garcia started weeping. JJ didn’t notice, because her back was turned, but that changed soon enough. Walking in and ignoring the looks that everyone gave her, she headed straight to her target.

Grabbing her shoulder softly, and turning her around, Emily pressed her lips to JJ’s before she could even mutter a word. The kiss was deep and it was passionate, and JJ responded instantly. God, how they both missed this. After several minutes of kissing and awkward silence from the rest of the team, Emily leaned to JJ’s ear, and whispered, “I love you, and I told you I won’t let you go. You are the love of my life, and it is my job to love you and keep you safe. I couldn’t do that in Paris, so here I am.” She finished whispering to JJ, then turned around, letting go of the smaller blonde, and leaving her shocked, confused and slightly turned on. Turning her back to JJ, Emily smiled as she felt a soft hand grasp her own firmly, in a response to her whispering. Looking at the team, Emily smiled and announced, “I’m back!”.


End file.
